One Family's Story
January 2003

Our adoption journey taught us to surrender - surrender our concept of what a family should be like, surrender our fear of being different, surrender our anger and disappointment over three years of unsuccessful infertility treatments, surrender our hearts and hopes to a birthmother and A.S.A. whom we had never known before. The journey scared us and tested our relationship, but today as we look at our two beautiful children, we can honestly say we would never change a thing.

The Serenity Prayer was our bedrock:

"God grant me the SERENITY to ACCEPT the things I cannot change, COURAGE to change the things I can, and the WISDOM to know the difference.

Living one day at a time; Enjoying one moment at a time; Accepting hardship as the pathway to peace.

Taking, as He did, this…world as it is, not as I would have it. Trusting that He will make all things right if I Surrender to His Will;…" Amen

Had we not accepted our fate as an infertile couple, we would have never had the courage to find A.S.A. Proud of ourselves for making the leap to adoption, we assembled our photo album with the greatest care. We were registered on the list!

Peace soon gave way to fear as we waited, and waited, and waited. We heard horror stories of birthmothers who changed their minds and families who were out thousands of dollars. Some of our fears came true. We were presented with cases we did not feel right about and declined. One of our cases fell through, and another was on again, off again, through relinquishment.

When we did get matched, we grew close to our birthmothers. Those relationships taught us the biggest surprise of all. We were not the only vulnerable people in the relationship. We were not the only ones scared of a broken promise. We learned of their fears and apprehensions about making the right choice - would we love her child as much as she did, would we be good parents, would we send pictures like we promised and so on. We learned of their confusing feelings of sorrow over relinquishing their child, yet relief that we would care for a baby they could not. Our birthparents signed the relinquishment papers, and we finally had our babies! We also had a profound new respect for birthparents. Their strength and courage to choose life and then relinquish their children humbled us.

Today we look at our two beautiful children with profound peace and serenity. Not only because we received what we were looking for, but because we received what we were not looking for. The knowledge that when things are not going the way we want it, something else unimaginably wonderful is waiting out there for us.

We sincerely hope all of you on the waiting list remain hopeful. Expect the unexpected, do all that you can, and surrender the rest.

Brian and Sharyn, parents of Zoe and Ian