january02nl

Though we're extremely proud to have had a hand in that many successful placements during the past year, we're challenged and encouraged to focus our efforts on providing adoption planning services to even more clients this year.

In the telephone conversations I have with some of you on a regular basis, I'm often asked about "statistics", or details about the number of placements A.S.A. has facilitated of Caucasian, Hispanic, or bi-racial babies. Of the 68 placements conducted last year, there were 36 boys and 32 girls, including two sets of twins (both sets were girls). There were 24 full Caucasian and 22 full Hispanic babies, 11 Caucasian/Hispanic, 4 Hispanic/Black, 2 Caucasian/Black, 4 full Black, and 1 Caucasian/Japanese/Hispanic. Of the 68 placements, 6 were facilitated in conjunction with another child-placing agency and five were facilitated with a private adoption attorney.

At present there are approximately seventy waiting families, twenty of which are matched with birthmothers and expecting a placement within a few weeks or months, and several more who are reviewing profiles and making decisions regarding matches. These numbers are constantly changing as new families enter the program and as others leave as new parents.

Congratulations!

Love is a wonderful thing. You never have to take it away from one person to give it to another. There's always more than enough to go around. --Pamela J. deRoy

There were four new arrivals in December 2001…Welcome to the world Aubrey Rose, Samuel Ryan, Melinka, and Mary Anna Rose. A.S.A.'s international staff has helped welcome home seven precious children during the past month…Welcome to the U.S., Nicholas, David, Anton and Ekaterina, Tatiana, Anastasia and Nastya.

Meet our Staff…

In the seventh part of our series introducing A.S.A. staff members, I'd like to introduce Marie Postalwait, A.S.A.'s Administrative Assistant and part-time foster mom…

My name is Marie Postalwait. I've been with A.S.A. for fifteen years. As an Administrative Assistant, my job is to schedule the birthmothers' doctor's appointments and subsequently request the medical records from their doctors so that these records may be forwarded to the adoptive families. I also monitor the birthmoms' attendance to each scheduled appointment. Further, I assist the birthmothers as they apply for Medicaid. For clients living in the San Antonio area during their pregnancy, I coordinate the move-in to their new apartment and ensure that they have all the supplies they need to be comfortable during their stay. My husband, Jack, and I are also foster parents for the agency, as needed. During the fifteen years that we have been fostering, we've cared for over one thousand infants and toddlers. It has been very fulfilling and a true blessing taking care of these little ones, and then meeting the adoptive families who become their parents. Jack and I have four children of our own. They are all grown up now with children of their own. We have eleven grandchildren and one great-grandchild. My hobbies are making flower arrangements and a variety of other crafts. I'm very active in our church, teaching the six, seven, and eight year olds in Sunday School. I look forward to meeting you soon!

One Family's Story

Making the decision to have a child it's momentous. It is to decide forever to have your heart go walking around outside your body. --Elizabeth Stone

(For this month's "One Family's Story" segment, new Mom and Dad Steve and Susan gave A.S.A. permission to share their family's annual Christmas letter….After you read it, I think you'll understand why theirs is such an encouraging and joyous story…)

Hi everyone, Hope you are all well and happy this holiday season. As many of you know we have had quite a year, filled with lots of highs and lows and ending with the very biggest high anyone could imagine.

For those of you who do not know the whole story we would love to share the story of Michelle with you.

We began researching and beginning the adoption process about two years ago. Not knowing where to begin we called United Children and Families in Plainfield, the agency I was adopted through some thirty-some years ago. They put us in touch with a support group called CPFA, Concerned Persons for Adoption. After lots of research we chose domestic adoption.

We soon located Adoption Services Associates, an agency in San Antonio, Texas (Texas is a more adoption-friendly state than New Jersey). We had received some recommendations from people in our support group who had used this agency and came to find that they handle so many adoptions in New Jersey they hold a meeting and reunion here yearly. We were able to meet many of the staff before signing on.

After having our home study completed we were ready and just waiting to hear of a birthmother who wanted us to adopt her child. The first match came in January of this year. The birthmother was due to deliver in February so we quickly prepared for what we hoped would be our child. At the last minute the birthmother changed her mind and just couldn't part with her little one. We knew that this one just was not meant to be and prayed for another match to come quickly.

We got our wish in April when the agency called and said they had another match and this birthmother was due November10th. The months that passed seemed endless. Waiting, hoping, and praying that this time we would not be disappointed. Finally November 10th had arrived and then passed. We found out on the 12th that the birthmother had indeed delivered and like the first, changed her mind. We spent the next three days mourning our losses and wondering if it was ever meant to be that we would have a child. We had lost a great deal over the past year and were doubtful we would even be able to try again.

Our agency urged us not to give up hope and said that another birthmother and father were interested in us and she would deliver in early December. We were in the process of regrouping and looking over the paperwork when on Friday, November 16th we got the call. The birthmother was in labor and they were sure they wanted us to adopt the baby. They urged us to fly to San Antonio as soon as possible. So on a wing and a prayer we boarded a flight from Newark at 7:00AM Saturday.

With our hearts in our hands we arrived in San Antonio Saturday evening after several delays, security checks and general holiday airline chaos. We proceeded immediately to the hospital where we found the baby girl had indeed been born by emergency c-section the day before. We held our breath as we entered the hospital room to meet the birthparents. Almost immediately all four of us knew it was a match made in heaven, as the couple handed us our beautiful baby and asked what we were planning to name her.

We spent much of the next two days getting to know each other (all five of us). We have a wonderful story to tell our daughter, Michelle, about the great love her birthparents have for her and how well we all got along. We are sure we will keep in touch through the agency as we know they will want to hear about milestones and see photos as Michelle grows. As we shed tears and shared hugs we said good-bye. When the papers were signed, Michelle Elizabeth-Sierra Greco (Sierra was the middle name chosen by the birthparents and we decided to keep it) was released from the hospital to us on Monday, November19th.

When adopting in a different state the interstate compact must be completed before you are allowed to take the baby out of state. This could take up to a week for both states to complete the paperwork. We fully anticipated a long holiday weekend in the San Antonio hotel, eating Thanksgiving dinner from a paper bag. On Wednesday night our agency once again, miraculously called us with the news they had received verbal permission for us to return home.

At six days old Michelle had her first plane ride and returned to New Jersey in time to celebrate the best Thanksgiving dinner ever at Grandma and Grandpa's house.

We are so happy to be able to share our joyous story with all of you and urge anyone thinking about expanding their family to look into adoption. There are many different avenues of adoption to explore, not just the road we chose. We would love to share what we have learned with anyone who is interested.

As we celebrate this very special Christmas season we are especially thankful for our miracle baby Michelle and wish you all a healthy, happy and Merry Christmas and a wonderful New Year!

Love,
Stephen, Susan and Michelle

The Heart of the Matter

A heartfelt thanks to this special family for allowing us to share their individual adoption journey with other A.S.A. families. It is my hope that, in sharing these stories with you each month, you will be encouraged and filled with hope that, though the waiting period can be difficult and seemingly endless at times, every week there is at least one new A.S.A.family who realizes their lifelong dream of being parents as they receive their own precious bundle of joy.

So often when families are "bogged down" by the tough emotional job of waiting for a placement, its easy to focus only on the present rather than planning for the future. The time will come when, after receiving your new son or daughter, you will be asked to comply with the agency's requirements during the post-placement period, which include compiling and sending in a monthly report for the first six months after placement and an annual report thereafter, for at least five years. These packets consist of a minimum of ten photographs of the baby, a personalized letter to the birthparents detailing the baby's growth, development, and milestones reached, as well as a completed report (for agency-use only) that addresses the baby's progress. At placement (shortly after you've received the baby), an A.S.A. counselor will meet with you and spend about a half hour to an hour reviewing the placement paperwork with you, detailing the requirements and expectations for the post-placement period, discussing the final birth certificate application, and answering any other general questions you might have at that time. Though this is an obviously important meeting, it will occur at a time when you are extremely distracted by the fact that you're brand new parents most likely you'll be thinking only of the new son or daughter you've just been given! Because of this fact, its important to review all the placement documents thoroughly after you've returned home in order to refresh your memory and ensure that you understand each aspect of the supervisory period. Feel free to call any member of the staff with your subsequent questions.

Though each component of the monthly report (required during the first six months following placement) is of equal importance, the most important to the birthparents are the photographs and the personalized letter or card, as these are the two parts of the monthly report that are forwarded to the birthparents, upon their request. The photos and letters help assure them that, yes, they made the right decision to place their child for adoption, as the photos and letters are tangible evidence of the love and adoration that their baby is receiving. Many families believe that the photos will only be painful reminders of the tremendous loss. While it can be quite painful for a birthmom to receive the packets you send, it is similar to the way you might feel when looking at pictures of someone you have dearly loved and lost; maybe a grandparent or parent though it brings you sadness as you realize again you won't have a relationship with them anymore, it is a bittersweet emotion as you also recall the good times and know that your loved one had a good and full life. For a woman who has placed a child for adoption, the pictures and letters you forward to her through the agency are priceless gifts that are treasured always. In fact, one of the activities that we frequently work on in our weekly support group is the creation of adoption memory boxes. These storage containers, decorated in unique and beautiful ways by the women, become sacred places in which they can store the keepsakes they receive from the hospital after the baby's birth (the hospital armband, perhaps a lock of hair or a souvenir birth certificate), as well as the mementos you share with them in your monthly reports.

I chose to take time to address this issue in this month's newsletter because it is of critical importance, not only to families who've recently received babies and are in the midst of the post-placement period, but also for waiting families, so that you may be aware of this issue and plan for creative ways you might create a wonderful, loving bond with your future child's birthparents through the relationship you maintain with them via the agency as you correspond through the years.

As the Christmas holidays have recently passed, the agency has been bombarded with correspondence between birth and adoptive families, some families who have maintained a wonderful relationship over fifteen years after placement! It is amazing to witness the outreach that occurs between the families as they think of each other during this special time of the year. Though these families are completely cognizant and respectful of the appropriate boundaries each hopes to maintain in accordance with a semi-open adoption, they maintain connections with each other, all with their child's best interest at heart. These adoptive families are aware that the time will come when their child may ask to reach out to a birth mother or father, and this emotion-ridden endeavor may be made easier by the fact that the families have already maintained positive, mutually-respectful relationships through the years.

On a closing note, I'd like to again turn to Steve and Susan and the wonderful way in which they created their first monthly report for Michelle's birth family. In the huge stack of photographs they sent in for Michelle's birthparents, they creatively and thoughtfully chronicled Michelle's entire first month of life by including photos of the airplane they flew home in, photos of Michelle all buckled in for her first plane ride, as well as lovely photos of her each week of the first month with handmade, heart-shaped signs sitting near her which read "1 week old", "2 weeks old", etc. Stephen and Susan not only included many individual photos of Michelle in her Christmas outfits, but also photos of Michelle being introduced to the family members who have already fallen in love with her. When Michelle's birth family receives this packet, they will undoubtedly feel the love that Steve and Susan put into the compilation of this first monthly report, and be assured that their birth daughter is being cherished.

Other families often include not only snapshot photos of the child, but also portrait photos that they have taken. Recently, a family sent in a framed portrait of the child for his birthmom what a thoughtful gesture! Don't be limited by the minimum requirements A.S.A. sets forth for the monthly reports; I urge you to be creative and thoughtful as you compose your reports, keeping in mind the incredible gift that your child's birthmom has given as she lovingly chose you to be the parents of her child. Though many adoptive families remember their child's birth mother through the years with special gifts and other generous gestures, my focus is not on material goods, but on the priceless treasure of the time and love it takes to write a heartfelt letter and placing yourself in the birthmom's shoes, envisioning what she might derive joy from receiving.

As I wrap up this month's newsletter, I'd like to share with you a beautiful poem I came across that I believe addresses the spirit of the ongoing, forever bond between two members of the adoption triad, the birth and adoptive families.

Our Child

Our Child
Can never not be yours,
Nor not ours.

So somehow
We must let you know
Our unbound gratitude
For this precious gift you nurtured
Then gave into our keeping.

Thank you for sharing your life,
For allowing it uterine maturity
In place of abortive non-existence
Which you could have chosen.

Thank you for
Caring deeply
For trusting enough
To place your babe into a small secure ark
To float in the rushes of life
Without even Miriam to watch
To tell you where
Her growing path will be.

We honor that trust,
And we shall love and cherish her
As strongly and surely as you do.
Our child
Will grow tall and well,
Undoubtedly with the stumblings
And skinned knees of life.
But always we will be there;
And you also, close by.

We pray for your joy and well-being.
We humbly acknowledge your gift,
And in spirit closeness
Share with you OUR CHILD.

-Author Unknown

As always, I look forward to talking with you or corresponding via email in the coming month, and wish you and yours all the best in the year to come.

Warm Regards,
Denise Garibay, M.A.
Director of Social Services

The capacity to care is the thing that gives life its deepest meaning and significance. --Pablo Casals